| everything is alright |
[05 Nov 2005|10:04pm] |
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So Matt updated his livejournal and it sort of motivated me to finally update mine since my last one was on his Birthday.
I would say that almost everything in my life is different now except for the fact that I still love my boyfriend more than anything and that I don't know where I would be without him. I miss last weekend a lot because it was spent with him, I miss waking up and seeing his face next to mine. The only times that I am 100% happy is when I'm with him. This is how much fun we have and you can be jealous because we're perfect.....
So I now go to NCCC for Nursing. Two years from now I'm hoping to have my RN and then be able to go for my masters to be a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. It's a lot of work and I stress myself out beyond belief almost everyday, but at least I have Matt to pick me back up.
I did something I swore to myself I would never do.... And no, don't get excited because it's not drugs. But I actually applied to P&R Bakery after I realized how easy of a job it was and how perfectly it fit into my life with school. I didn't think they would hire me back, but despite my thoughts I got a call one morning asking me to come in and talk with them about working at their other store on Main St. They gave me the job and it's the best job ever. They let me come in whenever I get out of school, which on some days isn't until 5PM and we close at 7PM. I have pretty much no problem getting time off for seeing Matt either which is incredible and something I would not find in any other job.
I got a laptop with the help of one of my favorite people in the world, my Grandma. Geez, that woman does way too much for me. I love having this though because it makes everything so much easier. No more late nights sitting in my freezing cold basement on the computer. And times like right now make me happy I have it when I'm babysitting and the kids are sleeping and I have nothing else to do. Yay for laptop. Now I want an iPod. I went to Best Buy today and realized how jealous I am of everyone who does own one.
The new Harry Potter movie is coming out soon and that makes me so excited!!! Matt wants me to wait to see it with him but that might just be asking too much of me... I mean come on...it's Harry Potter. I can't wait for the next book either because they just keep getting better than better.... I still can't believe the ending of the last one!
Yeah guys... that was probably really boring and I'm sorry if you actually read all that. It was for the slight few that actually wonder where the hell I've been for the past 7 months. Well there ya have it... School, Work everyday, Matt and sleeping if there's time. And to be honest, I can't complain. I'm still waiting to find out who my real friends are but I feel like I'll be on that search forever.
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| nothin's like bein held |
[18 Apr 2005|10:30pm] |
what a weekend....
worked a whole lot, and Martin's sucks.
my Dad somehow managed to fix the door on my car so it kinda closes now... so I can drive it. still needs to be fixed though.
Saturday through Sunday was spent with Matt because he turned 23 yesterday, Happy Birthday babe!!!!! Glad you liked your gifts & cake & dinner & sushi even though you like to shove it in my face lol. I love you so much, and I love spending the night with you, and taking pictures with you, and sitting in my car just talking with you, going to the photobooth even though our pictures didn't turn out, and sleeping in late & so much more...I could go on forever. Thank you for everything... you're the best. Hope your birthday was everything you could have hoped for.
this is what makes me happy...
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| you know where I lay my head at night |
[14 Apr 2005|10:54pm] |
ok. so there is something that's REALLY bothering me.
besides that fact that I don't have my own car, and won't for what looks like at least another month I've been using my Grandma's and have been paying out the ass for gas for a car I can only use temporarily. plus, half the running around I do is for her.
anyways, that's not what's bothering me. it's the fact that anytime I get in or out of the car, I get shocked. it's driving me insane. it's one thing to get that random feeling of static shock when you're not expecting it, but to know it's coming? to look at that door and know that as soon as your skin graces that metal you're going to get that unwelcomed feeling that even though lasts only a second is just so painful. it's like torture and I can't take it anymore. is this happening to anyone else all of the sudden or just me? it's not even like... a little shock, like... I see sparks (ok, that's a little exaggeration but you get the point). sometimes I even just kick the door shut because I can't handle it anymore.
anyways, that's all. everyone should go to Martins tomorrow for the grand opening and come visit me in the bakery department...I'll give you some free food. -later
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| open up my eager eyes |
[01 Mar 2005|04:17am] |
i'm bored,
kinda sleepy though.
explain that one.
i work a lot now.
it sucks.
anyone want a cake?
i don't hang out much anymore.
friday night explained why.
super lame.
mr. brightside is an awesome song
but the killers aren't that good of a band.
i wish i was cuddling.
but only with one person.
i wish my car worked.
i don't like driving the blazer.
or the black one.
just mine.
i wish my phone would ring
but i wouldn't hear it even if it did
because i'm in the basement
where it's real cold
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| oiled by the blood i shed everyday it breaks me down |
[28 Jan 2005|03:02pm] |
so, i should probably update this thing to answer some questions.
i guess i will start with last week. 3 times i had really excruciating pains in my back, near my right kidney. to the point where it was almost too painful to breathe, but it went away both times. well, sunday night it happened again around 3AM but didn't stop. screaming for my parents they come into my room to find me shaking uncontrolably and crying while laying as flat as possible on my bed. after failed attempts to calm me down they came to the inevitable conclusion of, the emergency room. my first '05 ER visit was most definitely one i would prefer to forget. after sitting uncomfortably and crying non-stop for hours, they take me in and try to get me out of my clothes, which never ended up happening because it was too painful to move at this point. nurses start their basics, a million fucking questions ("do you smoke?", "do you drink?", "are you pregnant, any chance you could be?", "when was your last period?", "are you sexually active?")IV and pee tests. To make my needle experience even worse, when she was drawing blood she set my filled viles of blood on my lap! around this point i'm feeling a little nauseas and tell them i'm going to throw up, and i did...about 3 times. after all this it was basically smooth sailing. pain medication directly to the vein was all i could have asked for. CAT scan revealed a kidney stone.
so passed out on my bed around 7AM, paramedics are coming in to admit some 23 year old guy. after they get him settled in they leave him for a few minutes. so this man got up, and came into my area and tried getting on my bed!! he had already ripped his IV out of his arm, HIS blood was everywhere and he was coming for mine! thank God my dad was there....or else i would have been screwed.
around 8:30AM i leave the hospital and go to my grandmas, vicoden in hand to get some sleep. next day i had a urology appt. where we get into something completely different. had more xrays done and it showed the stone was in my ureter and my doctor said it probably wouldn't come out anytime soon, and that my entire right kidney was being blocked. he recommends this weird procedure where they go in my with cameras among other instruments to get this thing out. well, that's what i did yesterday. went through all the questioning, again. where they reassured me i wasn't pregnant because they did a pregnancy test with some of the blood they took....HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY I'M NOT PREGNANT??? after i got my IV, everything just kind of blurs together until i wake up on recovery. they tell me i have a 6 inch tube going from my kidney to my bladder, lift up my gown and show me where the strings to it are taped to my inner thigh. and that the stent will be pulled out of me on Tuesday.
that's basically all. i thought i was going to the ER again last night because of the intense pain i was in. but the doctors said to just keep taking the painkillers until it goes away, it doesn't sound like a great idea to me, but....if that's what they want.
sorry to anyone who has called lately, really haven't been in much of a talking mood...especially today because last night was horrible. don't worry though, i plan on calling most of you back.
time for more pain killers
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| tell me what you got away with |
[12 Jan 2005|04:11pm] |
The past 5 days have been great. Friday at HV with Kel, Saturday at KB with Mark and Colleen, Sunday at HV with Kel and Mark then meeting up with others, Monday at HV with Dave, Tuesday at HV with Kel, Danaher, Dave, Mark, Bryan and Tom.
All pictures are from random days.
( CLICKKKKKKKKKk )
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| you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt... |
[09 Jan 2005|01:38am] |
oh man, i'm exhausted. hit up the holiday valley yesterday with Kelly, it was a solid night of riding but sort of awkward in the sense that we didn't go to the BK out there, and it was just the two of us. great time none the less.
following that we hit up mark's apt and ended up playing some drinking card games that turned out to be a lot of fun. before i knew it i was way to intoxicated to drive home, especially in that weather so kel and i crashed on the couches. i believe we went to sleep somewhere around 5, but i woke up not long after that and had a mini panic attack because i had no idea where i was, but i looked over and saw kelly and figured i was somewhere safe.
so i wake up today around 1 to someone coming in the house saying "two of mark and colleens friends are sleeping on the couch" and i look out the window and notice the snow was coming down pretttty hard, and since i don't work at all anymore i blurted out "let's go snowboarding", and that's what we did. after dropping kelly off (i'm sorry you had to work!!) i went home for about 2 minutes, just about enough time to get my board and other equipment out of my car and mark and colleen are already there.
not sure why, but every part of my body is sore right now. didn't do anything crazy today, didn't have any falls...my muscles just HURT. i'm so drained right now it's rediculous, i don't even know why i'm updating this thing...it just feels early to go to sleep now and i have nothing else to do.
i think that's all i really have to say that's remotely interesting. 83 on my anatomy test. looking forward to many things right now. i'm wearing basketball shorts with socks that are up to my knees because i can't find PJ pants. i haven't showered and was wearing the same snowboarding clothes for well over 24 hours. but i guess that's what happens when you do spur of the moment things. talked to someone about moving out soon, i have my fingers crossed it goes through. one thumb up for hardly working at my job. other thumb up for babysitting because it pays way more than a regular job. my bed sounds good right now, no...his does. i smell like the outdoors and i kinda like it. i have a really strange look on my face. enough of this, i'm out.
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| we're born only to fade away |
[31 Dec 2004|03:26am] |
My week was pretty damn good up until today, even though I’m kinda down now it still makes me happy knowing I was able to ride Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday this week. Such a good time. Thanks to Dave for going all 3 days and also Joe and Adam for going spur of the moment on Monday. Behind the cut are a ton of pictures from Monday at Kissing Bridge. I only uploaded all of them because Joe and Adam wanted new Myspace pictures so…you two better appreciate this. None of them are actually from riding, because I didn’t want to take the camera out with me.
Some pictures are edited out of pure boredom and insomnia. Enjoy them, because they took forever to upload.
( LOOK LOOK )
Aside from snowboarding, I really haven’t done much of anything and I’m not sure if I’m enjoying it or what. Usually by the time I get home I’m so exhausted from riding for 6-8 hours I’d much rather sit at my computer or mess with my back massager.
So I finally quit P&R, after a year and a half of hell I finally did it. My last day was Sunday and it’s great knowing I only have to go there once more, and that’s to pick up my last check. Also, I started Butterwood today. Can’t really say how I feel about it yet because I’ve only worked one day, not to mention a day where my muscles were absolutly beat so it was almost unbearable to stand for 6.5 hours, plus more uncomfortable-ness was added into the mix mid-shift. Oh well…Tomorrow is another day there so who knows what’ll happen.
Really don’t know what else to say. I miss him like crazy and can’t wait until mid-January……….
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| you better keep movin' kid you don't know what you're doin' here |
[06 Dec 2004|08:16pm] |
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 IN LOVE WITH KELLY |
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I love Kelly Ganczarz soooooo much. She is so awesome I mean c'mon she's KG, she's K-Gun, she's the Dope$t Gho$t! Between me and you I'm getting her something hella sweet for her birthday! I'm so excited and I cant wait to see her turn 17! (I didnt think she'd make it) I love her to death because we are so stupid with eachother and we do retarded things and snowboarding will start soon and she is such a girl aside from all the coke and dudes in bands that she does in her spare time. –Kelly Ganczarz
Ok, so I just read my journal (everything stated above) and found out that Kelly had updated it while I was at work. Granted Kelly is a pretty cool chick, I'm really not that obsessed with her. Actually, I'm not obsessed with her at all. Sure she's the dopest ghost, k-gun, KG, whatever, the fact of the matter is I'm not some crazy obsessive psychopath, in which she is making me out to be, got it? Anyways....She did happen to post some pictures from our Anatomy class for me, so I will put them behind a cut because I'm sure some of you weak-stomached individuals (Leah) and I woulden't want to be held responsible for anyone getting sick to their stomach or replying with "omg that looks like my cat!". Alright, that's all for now. Enjoy...I guess.
But anyway Here's pictures from anatomy:
( KITTY CAT!!!!! )
Today we got to see what a nipple looked like from the inside and tomorrow we get to finish skinning it!
Peace Bitches.
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| that's right.... |
[02 Dec 2004|11:57pm] |
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Death Threat-Peace & Security |
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| no matter where we go |
[28 Nov 2004|04:41pm] |
Pre-Syracuse
And tomorrow I get to skin this cat!!!!
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| nothing i know changes me at all |
[25 Nov 2004|06:03pm] |
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Fall Out Boy |
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I'm growing to absolutly HATE holidays.
Now that I've basically been living by myself all week, I don't know how I'm going to come back here...It's going to be near impossible.
And last night just ended up being so...odd.
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| i'm good to go for something golden |
[21 Nov 2004|07:58pm] |
From today until Friday I will be staying at my Grandma's house. She's in California for Thanksgiving and gave me permission to stay there, which will be awesome because I need some time away from this miserable place.
If you want to get a hold of me, and I don't answer my cell, her number is 832-4213. Chances are I won't be there too often because I work a hella lot this week. Bascially I'll eat, sleep and shower there.
I really think I need this.
Not much is else is really going on. Today I took my Mom out to lunch so her and I could discuss some issues regarding me moving out, in a somewhat civilized manner. I kind of figured she woulden't flip out on me in public, and I was right. She just doesn't want to let her daughter go so soon...But I've been looking forward to moving out since I was 14 and now it finally seems so close. It's even hard for me to grasp myself, but it's mostly excitment rushing through my mind. I know there is still a ton that I need to learn but it will just come with time.
So that's about all I needed to get out. Life in general isn't too bad right now, I just wish certain things were less complicated.
Call me to hang out this week.
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| in a car crash sort of way |
[17 Nov 2004|12:06pm] |
ok. really random quick update.
-i love mr. allen. honestly, best teacher ever.
-i'm seriously considering going into pre-law.
-i hate that i have had my heart set on something in the medical field and now i'm having major doubts. agghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i'm so fucking confused. i guess what it comes down to is what i'm interseted in learning (medical) or what comes way to easily for me (law).
it's awesome that i need to have my applications in by next week, and now i may be changing my major.
oh well, in other news Boys Night Out is playing tonight at Showplace. 7PM $10, everyone should go because BNO is amazing.
AAAANNNNDDDD HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVE STARR!!!!
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| tonight i stay awake, long enough to stop breathing |
[06 Nov 2004|02:38pm] |
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saves the day-i'm sorry i'm leaving |
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last night was such a blast. i haven't been to an actual "concert" in so long, and it was so strange to see so many people and have seats and all that crap. green day played for like, 2 hours straight...it was intense.
random events of the night, in order.
+dave calls and tries to sound angry, didn't work.
+rush hour.
+SKETCHHHHY mcdonald's. i have never been more afraid of a public restroom.
+getting stared down.
+walking in the cold to the arena.
+walking back to the car to put away Kim's camera because she couldn’t take it in.
+walking back to the arena in the freezing cold.
+getting frisked.
+luckily we missed Sugarcult.
+NFG was good, I was definitely passin' the mic.
+Dave and I go outside during set change, we're talking when suddenly i hear this unmistakable voice known to be Mike Flick's, i turn around and see him and Jen! holy random, but good because I never see them anymore.
+Green Day plays for 2 hours.
+pyrotechnics.
+push-moshing.
+people attempting to rush the floor.
+"you fuckin' suck, get off the stage"
+lots of things during their set.
+getting low on the way back to the car, Kim will learn.
+running over cones (i knew he was going to hit it....)
+slept the entire way back.
i had soooooooooooo much fun. thank you Annette for the extra ticket, i enjoyed it.
as for tonight. i have no idea what’s going on. if i get my act together and get ready Kelly and i are supposed to hit up Buffalo Scrubs to get our dissecting cloths/gloves/masks because we're taking apart the kitties soon. should be interesting.
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| if i'm getting to you you're not letting it show |
[29 Oct 2004|12:48am] |
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-none- |
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Tonight marks the 4th consecutive night of not getting a sufficient amount of sleep needed for a full day consisting of school, work, friends.
This whole thing is driving me INSANE!!! I haven't had sleeping problems in almost a year and now all of the sudden it's creeping back up on me. I'm not even sure why, which is bothering me too. Usually when I can't sleep like this I know why it's happening, but I'm completely at a loss here.
Last night, I sat in my bed for 3 hours, wide-awake. I'm not even sure what I was thinking about the whole time. It was the worst feeling, that 'I can't get comfortable no matter what position I switch to' feeling. I would say that the most sleep I have had in the past 4 days was tonight when I was sitting on the couch looking over my Anatomy book and my head slowly fell forward and my eyes just got heavier and I dozed off for about an hour; only to wake up with the worst neck pain.
Took a trip down memory lane tonight. Maybe that’s the reason for my discontent-ness. I realized that I have a good intuition and maybe I should follow it more often.
On the up side of things I found my $50 savings bond. Exciting, huh?
Oh yes! How did I forget to mention this? Anatomy test tomorrow! Guess who has been studying non-stop for almost 2 weeks? Guess who still isn’t ready for it? I don’t think I need to answer those questions.
Butttt yet again, I did get a 100% on my latest math quiz, which is a HUGE step up, and an 88% on my Chemistry test, and an 87% on my English project.
Um…. I’ve done enough rambling for tonight. I think I’ll watch TV or something, since sleep is a total waste.
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| i'll always be here to take you away |
[20 Oct 2004|12:54am] |
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excited |
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wide of the mark |
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I don't even know the words to describe how happy I am today. I can't stay still; I most definitely can not sleep.
+Today started out as a total drag. I thought I lost my Street Law project, but I went into school early and found it, and finished it just in time.
+I was terrified to go to Anatomy and find out what I got on my lecture test...But it turned out I got an 83!!!! I honestly wanted to cry, since that's about double my previous test. The good things could have ended there and I would have been ok with it, but no...They continued.
+Got home and decided it was time to take my car in for an oil change, which was desperately needed. Then I went to get a new muffler, and it only ended up costing maybe $140. My mom and I thought it was going to be at least $500.
+Had some extra cash, so Megan and I hit up the good old Boulevard mall where she window-shopped and I bought everything I wanted (which wasn't much). Victoria's Secret will always remain my favorite store, and I spend way to much money there.
Now for the negatives.
-There is an "internal" problem with my automatic starter, so I can either send it back to the company and wait 6 months for a new one or buy one from Stereo Advantage and receive a 10% discount for upgrading.
-Other things that will not be discussed.
I need to sleep so bad...But I'm way to happy and energetic right now.
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| on the wings of an angel |
[16 Oct 2004|02:06am] |
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grateful |
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music |
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KEITH URBAN!!!! |
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as much as i complain and bitch about everyday stress, i really do love my life.
i have great friends that never fail to cheer me up whenever i'm on the verge of tears or just flipping out for numerous reasons.
i'm going to take everyones advice and just live in the moment. i'm just going to try to stop looking back on past mistakes and misfortunes, suck it up and attempt to have a good time no matter what.
thank you to everyone who i saw tonight, people at the show, megan, nora, everyone new that i met....ah, yes. i feel completely satisfied for the first time in so long.
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| i need you like water in my lungs |
[14 Oct 2004|12:54am] |
i've been doing a ton of thinking lately and have almost reached a reasonable conclusion.
i am just so scared to make the wrong decision.
i am afraid of not knowing what potential i may actually have.
i can't stop doubting myself, i used to have so much confidence that i could succeed at anything i wanted as long as i applied myself...but i just don't know anymore.
too much is going on and i keep stressing myself out like crazy. i do stupid things like stay out until 1AM on a school night when i could have been home writing 1 of the 3 papers that are due soon. i could have studied for my anatomy lab test and lecture test. i could have caught up on some sleep. i don't necessarily regret going out because i love seeing the familiar faces that seem like they have been disappearing, but times like these make me feel like i'm running from my obligations, which I am.
if anyone knows any good ways to de-stress, please let me know...i could use some help.
on a lighter note....who wants to play tennis?
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